Owl Woman

2007-08-24T16:06:00.000+01:00

I've long since forgotten when the writing competition announces its winner, but it seems like history now. The book is in a decent state at last. If only I was. I have a synopsis and sample chapter on my desk but no inclination to send them to the agent I'd hoped might look at them. It all seems pointless, although saying that, I think the book is just getting better and better. It's just that it's become painfully obvious that this is never going to pay the rent or the utility bills, which have all shot up this year. I'm broke. I'm sick of being broke and let's face it, no one is interested in books by writers.

This summer has been horribly busy and stressful. Working in the shop - with all the appalling crap 'customers' throw at you - has really taken its toll. I write letters to people and tear them up, I'm chucking away all the art I've done, I see no point in seeing anyone. I'm only writing this because no one will read it.

But I've done some good stuff too, and will hopefully be seeing Bagas Degol and Pendans on Monday and maybe even Rosie and the Goldbug later in the month. Now there's a band that's going to be big.

2007-05-11T09:34:00.000+01:00

And a very long time it's been: again. I even have my first comment and no idea as to what it related to! But thanks for making the effort.

Since this blog is supposed to be about how the new book is going, well there's been a lot of progress. The first draft is finally completed, and I'm well into the second draft. The book even has a title now - Tallis Zawn. Saying that, I have had to stop for the time being to enter a writing competition. Silly me, I never win these things, but the chance that Patrick Gale might read my short-short story (500 words no more) if it's shortlisted is just too good an opportunity to miss. So I've done a quick first draft and will be hoping to finish it very soon. Amazing how difficult a low word count can be, but I've managed to get a little story out of it.

2007-01-08T10:02:00.000Z

After looking at the only other blogger's site that I can get into - the library still insisting on treating its users (i.e. those who can't afford home net access) like children - and seeing all the topical/political stuff its full of makes me feel not guilty about not including anything like that here, but just underlines how different my life is now. What I want to write about is how a few of us went to the Minack Theatre yesterday, just to sit in the cafe and gaze at the incredibleness of the place. The wind and rain was howling around us, and a real treat was seeing a bunch of gannets plunge-diving into the sea for fish, something I've never seen before. The sea was stormy as hell, and much as I hate the fishing industry, I did mutter a prayer for those out in it.

During the last few days I've been horribly ill and a lot more bad tempered than usual. Two drivers who overtook me in stupid, dangerous places would have had their necks wrung if I'd managed to get hold of them. But that would be no cure for their stupidity, of course. I was used to seeing bully boy tactics in London but not down here, please? Meanwhile, there's a bit of a lesbian fest going on at the local theatre in Penzance, with Claire Summerskill and Sue Perkins both going stand up shows. I'll be going to both, as it seems like a real novelty to do anything 'sceney' these days, and they should both be good. We'll see who comes crawling out of the woodwork, too...

2006-11-08T09:29:00.000Z

I'm house sitting for a week, and seem to be too busy to get on with the novel - being in a proper house, with a garden, birds to feed and water, etc, takes a lot of doing. Still, I've managed to blow money on getting Sigur Ros' Takk and tickets for Eliza Carthy and for the Seth Lakeman gig in Falmouth in December. I was very keen on going to the CEMG meeting at the end of October, as Craig Wetherill was giving a talk and he really knows his stuff, but the group is horribly cliquey. I love what they're about but I don't want to gatecrash a private party. It's probably not deliberate, so I wish folk would think a bit more.

And Torchwood is not nearly as good as I had hoped.

2006-10-06T10:01:00.000+01:00

Much as I hate my generation's utter obsession with nostalgia, I did freak out today after seeing some photos from the Rupert the Bear puppet show that I watched in the early 70s. Here's a photo of the cast:

Some of them look almost scary now but I did love the show. On more recent matters, the Eliza Carthy gig that was planned for the Clipper Bar in Camborne has now been moved a bit further away to Falmouth. I'm quite disappointed, but it still sounds like a small gig, and I'll try and get tickets.

Meanwhile, the morrow brings a 5 day trip to Dartmoor, probably soggy and misty but with plenty of local ale to keep us warm.

2006-09-14T11:56:00.000+01:00

Oh, and the new Blyth Power album, 'Fall of Iron', has just been released. Buy it and tape it for me, please.

2006-09-14T11:45:00.000+01:00

Back in a writing frame of mind but less time to do it due to working in the shop. I don't mind - sometimes it's the job of my dreams, like the other day, rummaging carefully through two boxes of stuff that was presumably left by a woman who'd died. Amongst the tons of sewing stuff was some WW2 Women's Voluntary Service pieces and a porcelain cake decoration in the shape of a cat, which I think might be valuable. It's expression and green bow tie are priceless, anyway. And more old jazz ep's have turned up, which makes my dad a happy man. The not so good aspects are the humidity on the shop floor (the new lights are killers) and the extras that people leave in their bags of donations. Like a pubic hair in the cover of a book on how to teach "retarded" people. Most of all, I would ask that folk PLEASE STOP DONATING SPIDERS. Dead or alive, they're unsuitable! On Tuesday I found another big one, curled up and long gone, but there was also another insect that I didn't recognise. Very interesting in a Darwin-kind of way but I'd just rather have some good books to look at.

2006-08-17T13:34:00.000+01:00

Long time, no post. Too much has been going on recently, but things are calming down. I’ve been reminded of my mortality over the last month and so got trawling on the ‘net again for potential publishers for the first novel. My genius must be recognised! Or not – Serpent’s Tail rejected my synopsis and two sample chapters very quickly, describing it as ‘not falling within any of their genres’. That almost sounds like a good thing, except that ST publish stuff the mainstream won’t touch. Anyway, they were polite and fast, so I’ve got a further list to try – a synopsis has already gone out to someone else. Two short stories have also gone to a publisher of ‘weird fiction’. I managed to get hold of the address of an American queer SF publisher, despite the library network’s best efforts to block all access to it. Dealing with the US can be difficult, what with some wanting return postage and that appearing to be impossible to buy here. Recycle the synopsis and send me an e-mail! There was a letter in the Guardian recently from a woman who said that it was about time the impossibility of getting a book published unless you were already famous was made clear to writers. Perhaps we shouldn’t even try, just put it all on the ‘net or even just chuck manuscripts under the bed. What does it matter, if you really believe in what you’re doing? Nice ideal, but ego and scraping a living are things that are impossible to avoid.

The last few nights here have been amazing; the moon is huge, low and orangey, hanging over the sea, with a beautiful silver path leading away from it on the water. That and half price veg at the local supermarket makes being poor completely irrelevant. The sea breezes are back with a vengeance, so I can go outside again without cursing the heat. I sat for hours at an old arsenic labyrinth the other day (a lot nicer than it sounds) and read the rest of Armisted Maupin’s ‘The Night Listener’. Never read one of his before, in fact even long after I’d come out I thought ‘Tales of the City’ was a dreary old ‘classic’ set in the 1800s. The Night Listener was very easy to get into, and I finished it in two or three days. It’s a good story, too, except for the ending, or rather, the Afterword, which is a lousy cop-out, the modern equivalent of ‘and I woke up to find it was all a terrible dream’. Shame on him! It made me angry, I always feel cheated when that happens. The novel had a natural ending that should have been there. But read it if you get the chance. Just stop when you get to ‘The End’, and you’ll be a much happier reader.

And still the second book creeps on. Quite a feat bearing in mind the stuff that’s been going on, but quite frustrating nonetheless. I was asked if I would consider doing a book on the Dresden Dolls, but I know nothing about them and don’t want to waste months on research a la Green Day. They look like a decadent goth duo, very good image but I’m too old for this shit…

On Monday T and I went up to Men-an-Tol for the first time in quite a while. It’s a popular site, but seems to lose nothing when people are around. Some North American hippie women were hugging the holed stone but it was good just to sit nearby and contemplate. The landscape is wonderful, a panoramic view across the moors, and the wonderfully named Ding Dong mine on the horizon. Best moment of all was passing a group of witchdykes on the track and having one of them say, “Hello, sisters”.

2006-08-11T16:32:00.000+01:00

Due to being sleepy and generally out of sorts, I wrote (finally!) another post for this, mostly slagging off a book by Armisted Maupin, but left it on my hard drive at home. This was because my floppy disc was in my bag that I'd left in the car. And I wasn't expecting to get on a computer today. So I'll put in on here next week - the pub beckons, after all...

2006-04-03T09:58:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I celebrated my 39th birthday. A lazy, indulgent morning (birthday cake for breakfast, presents including two gorgeous and detailed maps of the Peak District) was followed by a trip to the Merry Maidens stone circle and then a leisurely visit to the Minack Theatre. Inspirational and emotional, all in glorious warm sunshine that showed off my newly cut and dyed red hair wonderfully.

Got some money from my sister in law. Spent it just now on a collection of Coil's equinox cds, which was just what I'd always wanted and wasn't for sale at a take the piss price. Jhonn Balance may be dead, but certain people are happy to milk money out of the tragedy.

2006-03-25T10:06:00.000Z

A curt note from the publisher yesterday - 'we do not want to publish... your book'. Written by the woman who was so gushing and was asking about my second novel.

So, regrouping? Last night I just couldn't stop crying. Where to go from here.

2006-03-17T09:44:00.000Z

And I must see V for Vendetta, if I can only hang onto £3.50 until next Tuesday afternoon.

If you haven't already checked out the website for Jonathan Strange, do so now. It's grand.

2006-03-17T09:34:00.000Z

I’m writing this at home again, and hoping my fingers don’t freeze before I finish. Yesterday it was completely different – all sunshine and warmth and Spring waving a cheery ‘hello’. I went to Godrevy with my girlfriend and a pasty and we sat on the beach, all warm. After clambering around on the rocks and watching the birds and the ocean for a while, we climbed up to the headland and looked down on Mussel Cove (I think). At least 70 (gray) seals were sunbathing on the beach, including a few fluffy youngsters. Usually they just sleep and bark a bit, but yesterday they were very restless, slapping each other with their flippers and making a real noise. On the way back to the car we passed a field with a dozen or so rabbits in it, a couple of whom were running about like mad. Must’ve been the weather.

I’ve now re-drafted Chapter 2 of Part One of the new novel. It’ll all need at least one more re-draft, but I’ll wait until I’ve done Part Two. It’s certainly got more substance and direction now, which is what I was after. I even know what’s going to happen in the end now. But I do need to spend a day on the moors, investigating Daniel Gumb’s cave - he was a hermit in the 1750’s (I think) who lived near Cheesewring – and familiarising myself with the town of Lanson, where most of the book is based. Well, the bits on Earth, anyway. Christ, this was supposed to be a funny little short story and it’s just grown and grown. And what will I call it? A few ideas are now swimming around...

Meanwhile, I continue reading Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, and love it to bits. I thought it would be much darker than it is, and definitely not so irreverent, even to its major characters, but it’s serious and funny at the same time. Big shout to Susanna Clarke! What a writer. The website’s gorgeous, as well. And my best friend is moving home, from Berlin to Leipzig, which sounds like a lovely little city not far to the south-west of big, bad Berlin. I wonder how he will cope away from the city that’s been a magnet to sexual deviants and assorted weirdoes over the year (him being both), but presumably it means he feels safe enough to leave. Journey well, D.

2006-03-07T09:43:00.000Z

And a big shout to Aria, the 74 year old Spanish lesbian I was chatting with in the drizzle before the library opened. She looked interesting when I saw her from a distance, and she had my number before I'd even got my baseball cap off and shown her my cropped hair - talked about lesbians having to get together to do stuff or the men would ignore us forever. A taxi took her off after a short while, but she brightened my day.

I got Homogenic, Bjork's masterpiece, yesterday in Oxfam for £1.99. Truely mind changing music.

2006-03-07T09:40:00.000Z

I’m trying to be clever today and writing this entry at home so I can just paste it onto the blog at the library tomorrow. I do actually have loads to write about but it can blank the mind when you’re surrounded by children gaming or some very strange locals (one conversation I heard next to me the other day: “Oh, hello! What have you been up to?” “I’ve been trying to deal with my psychosis.” “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with anything like that, I’ve got a pretty bad back, though.”). My audience of zero (actually I should amend that to one because I just found out that someone actually reads this: hello Mr Flowers!) deserves to know everything that’s going on! I’m listening to Green Day’s American Idiot at the moment, because I’ve been cooking – it’s a perfect album to make a curry to, have you noticed that? Try it. That’s all I’ll be doing to it, though, because it looks as if I won’t be doing the Green Day book, due to a very stupid, short sighted publisher that doesn’t want to spend any money. It would sell loads, of course, not just because I wrote it, but because anything on Green Day sells like hot cakes at the moment. The fools. I’m still waiting for another publisher to get back in touch about The Gathering, and meanwhile I’m re-writing Book One of the new novel, which I don’t have a title for yet.

Other good stuff: a trip to the Peak District planned for early in May. I’ll be staying in a little cottage near to at least one stone circle. Did they build them differently up there? – Not such a silly question, if you see the stuff of mainland Europe. Squarer stones and the like (Julian Cope’s The European Megalith has lots of gorgeous photos). And I’m more and more into the photography mode again, perhaps the bright winter sunshine down here is inspiring me.
Oh, and health-wise, a very strong recommendation if you have stomach/digestive problems (don’t we all in the poisonous west) – have a go with probiotics. Millions of healthy bacteria and immunity-boosting vitamins, all in one pill, and very, very affordable from Superdrug (£3.00 for 60). I’ve been taking them for about ten days now and I’m feeling the benefits. And finally, a big, big boo to the woman who bought Vixen Tor that's popular with walkers and has legends of witchcraft associated with it. She fenced it off, claiming that she couldn’t afford the insurance to cover any accidents. Now she’s demanding £35,000 a year for access rights, claiming the place is a commercial venture. Greedhead of the month and possibly the year. I suggest she be chucked down the cave in The Descent (if you’ve seen the film you’ll know what I mean, if you haven’t watch it immediately, it’s fantastic).

2006-02-20T10:32:00.000Z

Monday morning, and I'm feeling rather on the sad side; a group email (always the worst) from a friend inviting me to her birthday. If only she had acknowledged my birthday last year, or got in touch now and again to see how I'm doing, I might believe it was more heartfelt. Ah, that's me, always hanging on to things that are gone. And reading more news of the trashing of Madron Well, one of the most magical places I've ever been, makes me sadder and bloody angry, too.

But, a wonderful weekend; Saturday on Marazion beach, sipping coffee and watching the doggies run madly on the sand, and a walk on Sennen beach on Sunday to relieve the hangover - yes! I had a drink!

Oh, and a publisher is showing interest in my first novel...

2006-02-07T13:20:00.000Z

Oh, and if you're ever in St Austell, check out Menacuddle Well, just down a little track on the Bodmin Road a hundred yards or so outside the town. It has a druid's chair as well as a healing well. The climate there (wet all year round by the looks of it) makes it lush and green, and I got some amazing calm, happy vibes from sitting in the chair, even though it made my arse cold and wet.

2006-02-07T13:09:00.000Z

Well, I'm still being allowed in here, so I'll do another little pointless post. Bad news for the Internet-incapable, or the idealistic: Google's deal to offer their search engine in China, but apparently with a filter to stop words like 'democracy' being looked up. I'll have to check it out, and if it's for real, then I'll have to find another search engine. Thought Google were still a bunch of hippies. Hmm. Money changes everything, I suppose.

Went to the Tate in St Ives a few days back. Couldn't get into the cafe - all the poshies had got there first. You could hear their 'rah, rah, rah' voices from far away. Is it only a matter of time before gentrification creeps up on Penzance?? House prices are now soaring. I'll be camping on the beach if the rents do the same...

2005-10-26T10:07:00.000+01:00

Yesterday afternoon was amazing. After driving around Land's End in the suprising sunshine and playing with Oscar, the short-arsed dog at the Little Barn tea room, we were on our way back and spotted a barn owl. It swooped along the top of a hedge, uphill from where I was driving, right towards us. Then it disappeared behind the nearby hedge. T spotted it a little further up the road, I drove slowly up and we saw it flying around, really close up, for quite a while. Wow. I was speechless. It's so rare to see more than a glimpse of these birds (I've seen a couple in my car headlights on a night drive, but the sightings were more about not hitting them than being able to appeciate them). They're big birds! Really solid and clunky.

Honoured. Yeah, I felt honoured.

2005-09-23T09:43:00.000+01:00

Good grief, so much has happened since last time I was here. The Alpacas, by the way, were lovely, despite (or perhaps because of) looking like SillyMadeUpAnimals. Hopefully I got some good shots. Such a carefree day...

I'm not sure if the Green Day book is on or off, but I'm working on it still after a few huffy days of leaving it to work on something 'proper' i.e. my second novel. Which feels like it's going to be huge. In terms of wordcount I mean, not in the bestseller lists. Toady I'm supposed to be doing some more research on the book. I came across some hilarious forums yesterday, full of girls who would 'die' for Billie Joe, or who think his wife (a wonderful woman, as far as I know) is not good enough for him. One of these crazed fans even punched some other woman for saying BJ was ugly. Oh well, maybe I was the same about the Bay City Rollers. But Hotmail is playing up at the moment which makes life very very difficult.

2005-08-13T21:33:00.000+01:00

Going to see some of these tomorrow:

>

Are they cute or just ridiculous?

2005-08-11T12:34:00.000+01:00

Oh, and it's nice to see I can still remember a bit of HTML.

2005-08-11T12:29:00.000+01:00

Well, I hadn't realised it had been so long - November since I last posted. This is due to lack of net time but also it seems a bit pointless - who reads this stuff? Anyway, thought I'd post today just because I can. Been spending ages trying to download Green Day videos for the book I may be writing about them, but they won't play. Hope you have better luck.

So I've been writing and writing and writing, basically. A bit of photography, some sitting in the sun but mostly hiding from it, and more writing. One novel finished, another on the go and maybe a rock and roll book. It's, um, challenging.

2004-11-17T19:48:00.000Z

John Balance of Coil/Zos Kia has died. I'm stunned.

http://www.thresholdhouse.com/index2.html

2004-10-26T13:44:00.000+01:00

I didn't get the job - I knew this when I heard nothing on Friday, but today they rang and confirmed it. I was caught off-guard - playing The Pixies at volume and halfway into the shower - so when the woman asked if I wanted feedback I said no. Ok, part of me chickened out. I just had a huge idea that they'd make really personal comments about me being not smart enough etc. Because it has been mentioned by a few folk recently. I'm on £15 a week right now, for food, petrol and anything else other than bills, so if you can find flashy clothes for such amounts, then please let me know where I can get them.

Hissy fit over. Saturday was a great day. The weather closed in and went beserk, with pounding rain and a howling wind, but I went to Morrab Library's annual book fair in Penzance. Found some gorgeous stuff I could've spent a fortune on and met a gay bloke from San Francisco who loved my shirt (from a dyke coffeebar there) and best of all, managed to chat to a woman from Cornwall Editions, a local publishers, who wanted to know more about the novel and the plan for a photo book on local milestones. So I have some research to do, which will reinforce my reputation as a geek but may get me a book published, so there.

2004-10-19T13:17:00.000+01:00

I had a job interview yesterday. Oh, the shame!

I don't think I did too badly, bearing in mind I haven't worked for two years and haven't had an interview in ten or more. My mouth went desert-dry with nerves, and I managed to drop a photo of my gf on the floor in front of the two interviewers (both young whippersnappers) but apart from that, it was okay. And the job involves no real braincell work, which would keep my stress levels down and leave me to think about storylines and stuff during the day. And it's only down the road. But I don't know if they want a scary dyke working for them.

After I got home, I did a bit of writing. Happier than I thought with my new story, just wish I had more energy to write. But today I did something good, especially for such an anti social miseryguts - I finally wrote to the Queer Pagan Group, which I've been a member of for ages, but haven't had time to do much about. I'm hoping to find some more weirdos in Penwith. Here's hoping - all the dykes down here (and there are an awful lot) seem a bit on the respectable side. Arse to that!

Two majorly great things - my best friend is coming over from Berlin to visit, for definate now. And I'm reading Patrick Gale's 'The Cat Sanctuary'. Not what I would think of as my usual type of thing, but I'm loving it.

2004-10-06T15:59:00.000+01:00

A change of text colour, just because I can.

I did my first sigil for ages this morning, one to send good fortune to someone who dearly needs it right now. It felt good, and I feel positive for doing it.

Last Thursday I dragged gf, sis and a mate to the Earth Mysteries talk. It was supposed to be about the history of Cornish witchcraft, but the speaker changed it at the last minute to something about earth mysteries and magic. An interesting subject in itself, but it bored the living crap out of the full house that had turned up. He spent most of the hour (was it only an hour? Jeez, felt like a lifetime) quoting quotes and repeating himself. We left at the break. At a run. When we got home, we found the moon was shining down on the sea. As A said, we should have spent the evening on the promenade instead.

Oh, will someone please send me a fiver, urgently? There's loads of things I really, really want (the Beach Boys' Smile for a start. Drool) but a couple of quid to indulge myself in the local Wetherspoons' beer festival is all I need right now. Thanks.

2004-09-22T16:01:00.000+01:00

Good god, where do I start? I'm trying to recover from possibly the worst weekend of my life. It involved the car breaking down 220 miles from home, the AA saying they could tow us home and then, at nearly midnight on Saturday, deciding not to so me and gf had to spend the night in the car, and then, after little sleep and having run out of essential meds, having to drive for six hours to get us home two days later.

I have shaved off most of my hair in honour of being home. Believe me, it feels good. And distracts me a little from the midgie bites that are ALL OVER ME.

2004-08-17T19:39:00.000+01:00

It's thundering and raining here, but at least the village hasn't been washed away; the news is full of reports from Boscastle, a beautiful little place on the north coast, that's was devastated yesterday by flash flooding. I keep trying to spy the Witchcraft Museum, which is located in the harbour, well I hope it's still there...

I reserved the latest Morrissey album at the library last week, went in to give back another cd (by Muse - very bombastic and prog-rocky in places but quite entertaining) and they tried to get more money out of me for the reservation than they charge for lending a cd, so I told them to poke it. I am looking forward to hearing the album at some point, though.

Oh, and I did some fixing of the car this afternoon in the pouring rain. In my vest top and baseball cap. Need I say more??

2004-08-06T09:51:00.000+01:00

Again, a short report. I've been spending a lot of time looking out over the Bay. Daytime sees all kind of ships and little boats bobbing around, night time it's usually just the coastguard ship lighting up the water, on a clearer night with the moon overhead too. Yesterday the coastguard disappeared in the morning fog, so there was complete darkness over the sea. We imagined it as a void and freaked outselves out for a while. It was fun.

I've been working on my blurb for the exhibition. 'A Crooked Mile' seems to be favourite for the title. I'm off now to check prices for enlargements and laminating. Later - hopefully baby rabbit watching at my sister's.

I love everybody today (except the elderly man who poked me *hard* in the back in the Post Office the other day. Wow, did I growl at him!!).

2004-08-03T16:46:00.000+01:00

Ok, well I just got my first photographic exhibition sorted out - it's at the Yam Parlour from September 6. To say I'm chuffed is a bit of an understatement; I think I'm fabulous. It's going to cost a fortune to enlarge and frame the pics (9 or 10), so I hope I can sell some, but I'm not going to worry about that now.

Check out the 24 Hour Museum, in particular the review of Roshini Kempadoo's retrospective. I'd never heard of her before, but she does political art. Good political art, that is, that packs a punch.

2004-07-29T16:14:00.000+01:00

I tried very hard to post yesterday, but the library computer mulled over the publishing for so long I ran out of time. It wasn't very exciting, to be honest; trying to sum up my life over the past few weeks is incredibly difficult. My *life* is great, but quick goes on the net are not. However:

the novel has been read by a couple of (biased) folk who are very into it. A few chapters are on their way to Virago, after some words of wisdom from Flowers who thinks getting an agent is a waste of precious time. I'm inclined to agree. Anyway, don't laugh, but I've also contacted Fairy Press, a local company, who publish fairy (sorry, faerie) stuff and fantasy fiction. My email to them rather glosses over the horror element, but I don't know if they'll be interested in having a read.

On a personal level - I need a group hug. Nothing wrong, just missing you people.

2004-06-23T10:23:00.000+01:00

If someone can tell me how to convert my aeons-to-download website photos into thumbnails, I would be forever in their debt.

Too many mixed feelings to post much here, and no real time to do it. I am going to get very, very drunk over the weekend.

2004-06-18T19:34:00.000+01:00

My novel is really looking like a novel now.

I found out - finally - how to do page numbering the way I wanted to (each chapter being a different file), added headers and put the text into 1.5 line spacing. It looks nice. And I'm on the final chapter and really happy with the way it's turned out. Next week, with gf in Glastonbury telling everyone what to do, I'm determined to finish it. Time off to watch Neighbours and the news, but that's about it, until Saturday, which is carnival day in Penzance, and me and a friend have an agreement to get very drunk, since we only have to stagger back to my place.

Talking of which - I peered out of the skylight the other day and discovered the source of the cheeping sound I could hear - two fluffy seagull chicks. They wander up and down, and have no fear of me; they just turn their heads to me when I speak and ask me for food. Mother Seagull eyed me suspiciously for a while, but today she came and settled down on the open skylight window. So now Homer the pigeon has company/competition.

Next week I will get down to emailing people I need to email. Those who haven't been in touch, get in touch. Or else...

2004-06-09T09:56:00.000+01:00

Just in case you haven't yet got your copy... Foyles is easy to steal from!

2004-06-09T09:51:00.000+01:00

Necrologue won a Lambda Award! Apparently overseas entries (the award is from the States) don't often get a look in. I'm well pleased, of course, and can't wait to be able to put it on my website.

2004-06-07T11:56:00.000+01:00

OK! I can post to this but I can't view my blog for 'security reasons'. If only it was that subversive!

Oh, I heard that Ronald Reagan died on Saturday night. Huzzah!

2004-06-07T11:49:00.000+01:00

A quick post, bearing in mind I'm now netless at my new home.

The move went smoothly. I felt sorry for the poor removers, labouring up three billion stairs with all our gear, but they were well paid for it.

Penzance is hot, I think everywhere is, but I DON'T LIKE IT. I knew the main streets of the town fairly well, but this morning I started wandering down alleyways and found myself at the library with no problem at all. My computer is not yet set up, so I'm a bit frustrated in a writerly kind of way, but nesting is kind of fun, too.

We appear to have adopted a homing pigeon. Ze keeps sitting out on skylight window, begging for food. We've called him 'Homer' for obvious reasons. A family of crows (I think) is nesting in the rafters next to us. Yesterday we heard the babies cheeping excitedly for worms. In the mornings, the grown up crows argue on the rooftops below us. It's rather nice. Oh, and a butch dyke works in the amusement arcade down the road. Yay!

2004-05-31T20:48:00.000+01:00

Interzone has become a TTA (The Third Alternative) Press magazine.

This is not good news. Interzone was the establishment, as it were, of the science fiction/fantasy press in this country. TTA is the big cheese of the 'independent' or small press in this country. Now TTA seems to have control of all the sf etc press. Which is fine and dandy if you get on with its editor. If you don't - and I and others have annoyed Andy for no reason that we can think of - then you don't have a chance, frankly, of getting published. Or getting your stuff reviewed in The Fix, the mag that reviews just about everything in the small press (but only if you buy subs to all of Andy's magazines - yes, it's owned and run by TTA). Anyone for monopoly?

I've had a story published in TTA, and republished in one of its anthologies. The editor has described my work as 'outstanding'. But now I can't seem to do anything right - my submissions don't get answers, my last email got a rude response when I explained that, as I had absolutely no money coming in, I couldn't afford to subscribe to every mag he produced.

2004-05-29T17:46:00.000+01:00

The Fayre turned out to be a disaster.

This morning began well enough, with us getting to the Guildhall just before 10 o'clock. On the stage, a bunch of the stall holders had rounded up most of the drums in the hall and were going for it. Someone stuck a drum in my hand and said to join in. Naturally I went all English and cringed. But then I had a go.

And I enjoyed it. Just like a hippie. Don't tell anyone, will you?

It made us all feel positive and energised. A good start. But then the fayre opened and a few folk came in, then it all slowed down again. My friend M came along and said she wanted a photo enlarged for her house, which was good of her, but apart from that...

I went to the bathroom and returned to find some bloke slagging off my rune stones, telling me they 'should all be oblong, so you know which way up they are'. Excuse me, I don't want to know which way up they are from the back. I thought the whole point was for them to be randomly placed, to be interpreted in the way one turns them over.

He spoke to me like I was a five year old. Already in a bad mood, I just looked up at him and said calmly, "Fuck off."

Well, okay, that's what I wanted to do. Instead I said nothing, because I would have told him to fuck off, or I would have cried, and I didn't want to do either of those things. Afterwards, my mood slumped and I knew I was wasting my time. So I packed up and left, and stole some boxes from the local supermarket for my packing.

So what I have I learned from all this? Not much, actually. Either my art is rubbish, which is always a possibility (although the photos are very accessible) or it was the wrong kind of market, or it was the right kind and the organisers didn't advertise it well enough. Perhaps it was a bit of everything. However, no one else appeared to have done much more than break even at best, so everyone I spoke to was pissed off.

On a happier note, Diva have accepted my submission to their collection of erotica, Va Va Voom (stupid title, eh?). I don't know how it got in, but it's there. I need the money, but I'm very happy about it, too.

2004-05-28T17:26:00.000+01:00

I'm more tired than I have a right to be, after 7 hours doing nothing at the Fair.

Gf and me spent the time chatting, drinking coffee and playing I Spy. We weren't disturbed by customers or anything like that - maybe 50 people turned up all day. Cue lots of bored, and rather pissed off stallholders. What feedback I did get on my stall was good, but no money changed hands, although one woman was very interested in the cloth I used to cover the table with.

Back again tomorrow. It's Saturday, so hopefully there'll be more folk around. If not, we're planning a game of Hide and Seek.

2004-05-27T11:25:00.000+01:00

Oh, and thanks to my sister, I'm now driving around with The Ramones blasting from the car stereo. Yay!

2004-05-27T11:15:00.000+01:00

About time there was another picture/some light relief (for me anyway) on here, so here's a picture of me:

It's a long story, but basically it's a joke, but the wonderful design was done by Queer Granny. I've wanted to be a superhero since I was a kid; the Fantastic Four were probably my favourites, along with Daredevil, so being immortalised as a Hulk-type figure was one of the biggest compliments I've ever had.

Last night I had an anxiety attack - all the things that are happening just seemed to be suffocating me, so, with help from the ever lovely gf, we broke them down in manageable bits. She's not going to the pre-Glastonbury shindig now, due to various stresses (the travel, the money) so will be around for the Mystic Fayre. She gets to sit down and read and eat pasties for lunch, so she's happy about it. All the stuff for the Fayre is packed and ready to go to the Guildhall later today. I dropped gf off at work this morning and then went on to the local council offices to give in our Housing Benefit claims. I was kept waiting for a total of one minute before being seen, and was out by 9.25, after the woman I saw went through both forms to check they were okay, and copied all the ID documents and stuff. Can you believe it? This is how it should be everywhere.

Wish me luck for tomorrow. I just don't have a clue how it's going to go. And I'm either going to be doped up to the eyeballs or suffering severe menstrual pain - or both - so it's not the best time.

2004-05-24T14:28:00.000+01:00

The next couple of weeks are going to be hectic. The Mind, Body and Spirit Fair takes place on Friday and Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it, well, I am in a way, but so much hangs on it. If I sell nothing and get no interest from anyone, it'll be a huge kick in the guts, not just for my precious ego but for my hopes of making some money. Then again, it could go very well... it's incredibly hard to gauge what will happen.

Gf will be away, at a pre-Glastonbury staff briefing, for all of it. Bah! However, this means I can exaggerate whatever happens at the Fair.

And we're moving the weekend after - two days after a friend who I haven't seen for over a year makes a trip down here to see me. I want to spend time with her and not be distracted, so much organising is needed. But at least I've finished my short story, hopefully for inclusion in a Diva anthology at some future date, and sent it off. It's my first piece of erotica. What's the difference between porn and erotica? Is it the subtlety? Because my story has some nice fantastic elements, but isn't subtle in the least, just a basic fucktale. Whatever, it's out of my hands now.

2004-05-20T16:11:00.000+01:00

I've just spoken to 'my' literary agent. Well, not my literary agent as it turns out. I asked him straight if it was worth me hassling him further, and he said no, it was 'best I went elsewhere' as he was inundated. Politespeak for not wanting to flog my book. At least I know now.

So - queer literary agents? Cornish ones? Horror/sf/fantasy ones? I have some research to do.

2004-05-19T11:28:00.000+01:00

Well, things are a bit stressful as one of the references I came up with for the flat is a bit iffy as far as the agents are concerned, so I'm running around trying to get someone else to do one for me. Losing this flat is not an option, believe me. Added to this I'm trying to write a short story for an anthology of erotic fiction and I feel pmt-ish and stressed and very un-erotic but I need the money.

But at least this headline gave me some perspective. Jack Straw has been "reassuring" the CBI that Labour won't reverse any of Thatcher's dreadful anti-union laws. I'm not quite cynical enough to be unsurprised by what Labour come out with, just very very worried. As to the end of paid sick leave for the first three days, I just don't know where to start. I'm not sure there's a point in voting, but I haven't been registered for years due to various dodgy landlords and my transient lifestyle. I've dropped out of the rat race to a major extent, but that doesn't help anyone else.

2004-05-12T19:01:00.000+01:00

The flat is gorgeous. It's in a huge, huge building that still looks very much like a hotel - great, big hall, fire doors on all the floors - including an extra one leading up to 'our' flat, which would make it extra quiet and private. The flat itself is right in the attic, which means there's wooden beams everywhere. It's not amazingly big, but it's very light and there's room for two with each of us having our own space when we need it. There's also loads of parking outside, and a parking permit for Brenda, all included with the flat (not like Brighton, eh??) I fell completely in love with it - it faces the sea and backs onto a neighbour's beautiful garden. So we're trying to sort out references and stuff as soon as possible. By christ I'm going to be poor again, but it'll be worth it.

So who's coming to visit first?

Meanwhile, I stayed home this afternoon to price up my 'art' for the fair. I put the cat on the bed to wander amongst my stuff and of course she sat on one of the canvases, tipped it off the side of the bed and reached out to grab the nearest thing with her claws... fortunately she didn't tear my painting to pieces and she only bumped her arse a bit. The rest of my family went off for a walk at Tehidy Park. The whole thing was a Disney experience: first, my sister spends ages sitting next to a snake that's outside her flat, then at the park there were baby voles, cygnets, squirrels, jays... fantastic stuff.

2004-05-12T14:38:00.000+01:00

Not a big fan of portraits/self portraits, but I am a big fan of Frida Kahlo. Loads of stuff online if you don't know her work, but here's a sample:

2004-05-11T20:43:00.000+01:00

Geek power, my friends.

The Yam Parlour likes my photographs. The owner is into having themed exhibitions. The one I'd come up with a few hours before sounded as woolly when I tried to explain it as I thought it would. However, he flicked through my photos and found a few he really liked. These, he said, would be really good.

He was talking about my milestone photos. My geeky milestone photos!

So I have a mission - go out and shoot a couple of films more of them, return to the cafe and then 10 or so will be chosen to exhibit. On top of all that, I got a soyaccino for free. What a day!

2004-05-11T13:55:00.000+01:00

Looks like we're all growing up.

I got a letter this morning from my oldest friend. I've known him for well over half my lifetime. He started writing to me when I did a punk fanzine with my sister. His was the first order, and I nicked it before my sis could get out of bed. Even though we've never lived in the same city (or even the same country on occasions) we've gone through a lot together. He got married to a fantastic woman a few years back and I even went to the reception, a barn dance in Wiltshire.

And now they're going to have a baby. And Goddess help me, I feel all sniffy about it.

Later on, I found myself standing outside a Georgian house with gf, staring up at the top floor. We're going to see a flat there in the morning. It sounds like it might be quite small, but it's in Penzance, and looks out over Mount's Bay. It's also about 2 minutes' walk from the Promenade: sea! amusement arcade! And it appears quite 'unfashionable', so it's fairly quiet all year round.

2004-05-10T15:25:00.000+01:00

The above is the closest I can find to a photograph of Cot Valley or Porth Nanven, where I spent much of yesterday, and it doesn't do the place justice. Cot Valley is reached via a long drive down a narrow road just outside St Just. The valley is wooded at the top before giving way to a rugged grassy landscape with a stream running through it. At the bottom, Porth Nanven itself is an incredible place, full of huge boulders, some bizarrely shaped: one looks like a giant tooth, smoothed away at the bottom by the sea, and, for our amusement, there are plenty of goddess' style arse shaped rocks. I got a massive feeling of time standing still there. I must go back there, alone probably, with my camera, and spend a few hours shooting film.

Meanwhile, today I've been sorting out photographs for my example album. Everyone else was out, so I played Smog's Rain on Lens and Liquid Skin by Gomez on the downstairs cd player (i.e. the one that doesn't skip) and had a fine time. I've also done the shitwork for the name plate commission - all the measuring up and guidelines are now on the slate, so hopefully I'll get that painted this week.

2004-05-07T16:28:00.000+01:00

I finally got down to work and put my black and white enlargements in their mounts. It turned out to be miles easier than it looked, and very impressive they look too. Now all I have to do is sell them. Some brainstorming is needed for the Mystic Fair, just to make sure I'm prepared properly. Next Tuesday I'm going to see the owner of the Yam Parlour to try and get an exhibition, so I've got to organise my photos and appear to have a plan/theme of some kind by then. The next month could see me sinking or swimming as far as making some money out of art goes. It's vaguely stressful. I had an appointment with my psychologist yesterday and more or less walked out halfway through. I do wish he'd stop yakking and giving me his theories and let me just talk a bit more. But yesterday was weird - I was fairly incoherent and spent ages trying to string a sentence together, or do anything other than staring into space. He was glad to see the back of me, I think. But I met gf afterwards and we spent some time in the glorious Minack Theatre and the cliffs and the sea calmed me down and made me remember what's important.

This morning I was listening to the radio and they played Lost In Music by Sister Sledge. For the first time, I heard the lyrics: "We're lost in music/feel so alive/I quit/My nine to five..." Great when pop songs advocate stuff like this. Ironic, though, that when it came out I refused to listen to it, as it wasn't 'punk' enough for me. Afterwards I heard A Good Heart by Fergal Sharkey. Good grief, I'd forgotten just how the mighty can fall.

2004-05-06T17:34:00.000+01:00

So, apparently Morrissey is 'curating' (pretentious? Moi?) this year's Meltdown at the Royal Festival Hall. On the bill, along with evenings of Oscar Wilde and Alan Bennett's work, is a gig or two from Morrissey himself. Not surprising, until I was told one of the support bands - 1980s skinhead/Oi band the Cockney Rejects. I was a big fan of this band, being able, as one does as a youngster, to convince myself that they were good lads really. Some of the Rejects' early stuff was great - Ramones inspired riffs and choruses, but their dodgy side was too much and I gave up on them after one nearly ended up in gaol for hitting someone with an iron bar.

With this in mind, Morrissey's fanbase - a lot of rather androgynous folk with quiffs and specs, a lot of out and out queers and various skinny wimpy types, are going to have a wonderful time sitting next to extremely heterosexual thirty-something union flag tattooed ex-skinheads.

Queue nicely for the ambulances, people.

2004-05-04T16:03:00.000+01:00

My memory's even worse than I thought (or: I'd forgotten just how bad my memory is. Ho ho) - it's taken a prompt from a friend for me to remember that today I was going to ring the owner of the Yam Parlour in Penzance (my favourite cafe at the moment) to ask about a photography exhibition. I wanted to write a few notes about the Earth, Health and Mystic Fayre I went to on Saturday - some of the stuff looked interesting, but it was badly organized. There were a lot of people doing readings, a couple doing massage and reflexology and a few selling drums and incence, but they were all in a big hall, with the only ventilation being a door open at the entrance/exit. As a result it was noisy and hot - not the vibe, I would have thought, for that kind of thing. I certainly would not have wanted a reading done or have done one myself. As for arty stuff, I saw only one other painter, and her style was completely different to mine, so it definately feels worth doing the fair in St Ives. As someone said, "It'll either go well, or it won't." At least one of the stalls I wanted to have a longer look at - a couple photographing auras. Now, I think I'm fairly open minded and certainly want to learn about spiritual stuff, but I really don't think a polaroid camera in a stuffy hall is going to get me very much further along the road to knowledge. I would have liked to have grilled the folk offering this 'service' if it had been a bit more quiet there. It also occurred to me (not for the first time) that a lot of the folk involved in this kind of thing appear to have a fair bit of money. Are the middle classes more open to this stuff? Or do they just have too much time and money to play with?? There's much more to it than this, of course, but I must make that 'phone call...

2004-04-30T14:56:00.000+01:00

"I've got a heart,
and it sometimes fails to start,
when it's cold in the morning.
I've got a mind,
it's hard to find
that it sometimes lets me down without warning.
I've got a cause,
it isn't yours,
and it's far too hard to talk about it without yawning."

[Blyth Power, many many moons ago]

Unable to go to the Cornish Earth Mysteries Group meeting on the Obby Oss due to lack of money, I stayed in last night and watched some Abba on Channel 5. The top ten Abba hits would have been wonderful, had the videos just been shown, but various dull/stupid celebrities were wheeled in to make comments. Most of those yapping away weren't even born when Abba were first around and had no idea what they were on about, the others just said how naff the bands' clothes were. No one seemed to acknowledge what a bloody good pop band they were, possibly the best ever. After this, there was a programme revealing singer Frida's 'dark secret' - that her father was a German army officer, one of many posted to Norway to impregnate as many women as possible to help provide 'good Aryan stock'. The shocking truth of how the women and their offspring were treated by the Norwegians after the war - public humilation for the mothers (i.e. young naive girls who were duped) and incarceration in institutions for the children - had me close to tears. The Lebensborn children, as they became known, were publicly dismissed as genetically deficient by eminent psychiatrists, because they had 'Nazi blood'. Thus the Norwegians became what they claimed to hate.

Grimly interesting, then, to see the news later last night and photographs of Iraqi prisoners allegedly tortured by American soldiers, in similar methods used by Saddam Hussein. Apart from the sickening irony, I'm trying to find out just who America is accountable to - and kicking a couple of individual officers' arses is not going to convince me that this kind of thing isn't widespread.

2004-04-29T12:29:00.000+01:00

Oh, and despite snorts of derision in certain quarters, I am a big, butch dyke that you just wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of.

2004-04-29T12:17:00.000+01:00

Having never had children and never intending to, the whole natural childbirth vs c-section debate has had me a bit puzzled, but this article in today's Guardian addresses it with a bit more composure than most. I was born by c-section myself, being a twin and there being an emergency as my mother went into labour, but my personal thought is that hours - and possibly days - of horrendous labour, is not something I'd ever want to face. As the article says, dismissing the (very small) amount of women who opt for c-sections for non-medical reasons as fitting childbirth in with their busy worklives is just another way of demeaning women who work and bring up children. Choice for everyone except mothers?

2004-04-26T19:46:00.000+01:00

I can't find a link to it, but I read a short report this morning of a student in Oslo who was killed whilst being filmed lying in a road dressed as Moomintroll. Incredibly tragic to those concerned, but it will no doubt appear in books of the bizarre for many years to come.

And talking of the bizarre: the dream I had last night was quite horrible in places, but the main part of it is perfect for the novel. The chapter title even came up in the dream. I've been letting it brew, as it were, and will find the right place to put it in. In the real world (I think), it's been another beautiful day. I drove gf to work all down the country lanes, slowing down for a wide eyed ginger cat and a small rabbit, before driving along the hilltops above Penzance. The whole bay was shrouded in a blue haze. Awesome, just awesome.

2004-04-25T20:39:00.000+01:00

'Twas a fine and sunny day yesterday, just right for a street festival, and I had a short but sweet visit to Camborne for Trevithick Day. I bought myself a horribly trendy 'Billabong' wallet not because I have any pretention of being trendy but because it was cheap and everyone tells me what I keep my money in at the moment is a purse and a horrible one at that. The only sour note was having a woman approaching me, who I assume was claiming to be a Gypsy, offering me a dead daffodil for money. When I turned her down she thrust it at me and claimed it had the power to make me lose weight. This fantastic sales pitch had me snorting with laughter, and I nearly came out with my usual line if someone starts either whinging about being a size 12+ (I've actually heard an air stewardess worrying aloud about no longer being a size SIX) or saying that bigger folk don't deserve to walk the planet:

It's not stopped me getting laid. Ok?

2004-04-22T19:52:00.000+01:00

Well I know I've become a beach bum/hippie since I moved to the seaside, but this is as bewildering as it is nasty:

[Daily] Express owner Richard Desmond today launched an extraordinary tirade against Telegraph bosses at a meeting of their joint venture print works, hurling a string of abuse and goosestepping around a boardroom in mockery of a German newspaper group's bid for the paper. In scenes that will shock the Conservative party he has just pledged to support, Mr Desmond branded the Telegraph chief executive, Jeremy Deedes, a "miserable little piece of shit" and said Germans were "all Nazis". The Telegraph executives were so outraged by Mr Desmond's four-letter outburst that they walked out of the meeting in disgust. As they left the meeting of the jointly owned West Ferry printing company, Mr Desmond told other Express executives to sing "Deutschland uber Alles" and made Nazi-style "Sieg Heil" salutes, according to witnesses. People present at the meeting said Mr Desmond - who dropped out of the race to buy the Telegraph after balking at the asking price - had at one point strutted up and down the room holding his fingers to his lips and giving stiff-armed salutes, in emulation of the famous goosestepping scene in TV sitcom Fawlty Towers.

Not so bewildering, in fact bloody predictable, (football's only changed on the surface, if you didn't know) was the news that Ron Atkinson will no longer be commentating for ITV sport, after calling Chelsea defender Marcel Desailly a "fucking lazy thick nigger" on air. ITV claimed it was 'a lapse by an experienced commentator' but the only lapse I can see is Atkinson not noticing that he was still being broadcast. I doubt if it was a one-off, so presumably his colleagues and bosses have been quite happy for him to spout this shit for years.

2004-04-22T12:55:00.000+01:00

Living up to my butch image over the last couple of days - doing some building work in the garden this morning, and yesterday, well yesterday there was a bit of an incident. Gf and I had gone to Tesco's in Penzance, for a cheap coffee before she began work, and before we left we both needed the bathroom. So I'm at the sink, washing my hands and gf is drying hers when two old women come in, mother and daughter I'd guess. The mother peered at me (short hair!! tattooed thumb! trousers!!!), gazed across at gf (short hair!! trousers!!) and began shouting, "This is the gents'!". I could only vaguely hear this above the sound of the hand drier, but the daughter was desperately embarrassed (and possibly quite frightened). "Don't be ridiculous - women wear trousers these days!" she yelled back, but the mother was having none of it. She peered down at me again (me, with my DD bust), waved her arms around frantically and then took a couple of steps back in horror. "It IS the gents'!". At this point, me and gf bundled ourselves out so as not to collapse laughing in front of them.

In London, this was beginning to happen a lot. Down here, very rarely. Which is odd, to me - Hackney being jammed packed with lesbians. Cornwall has plenty, too, but they're a bit more camoflaged around here. I expect it'll be in the local papers next week.

Which is more than can be said for this Saturday's Trevithick Day. The local rag is acting as if everyone knows exactly what will happen, where and when, instead of printing details. The website claims that 3 Daft Monkeys and Dalla, among others, will be playing again this year on the Cornish Music stage. It should be fun, despite the local police banning the steam parade 'due to safety concerns'. Well, that makes sense. The police bend over backwards escorting psycho football 'fans' to matches every week but steam engines driven at around 1 mph is risky. A week after that and it's May Day, time for the 'Obby 'Oss to make it's appearance in Padstow. I'm determined to go this year.

2004-04-16T21:30:00.000+01:00

What a day! Jane, the tea room owner/artist was really into the stuff I took along and is happy to try and sell it for me. Her own stuff - watercolours of local sacred sites mainly - was actually rather good, streets ahead of much of the art around here. So I swaggered back to my car, pleased as hell. The weather was good, so I spent a little time sitting on top of Sancreed Beacon, a Bronze Age settlement a few miles away, and then went into Penzance and had a coffee in my favourite cafe. Meditate, my arse!

Anyway, the tea room is on the Madron-Morvah road, between Lanyon Quoit and Men-an-Tol. Plenty of positive vibes around, maan. Seriously, I feel very good about this.

2004-04-15T12:33:00.000+01:00

I was supposed to go to Lanyon Farm this afternoon. There's a little tea room/gallery there, mainly for hikers and the woman who runs it wants to see some of my stuff. I had three pieces packed ready to go but a fierce rainstorm has made me put the trip off until tomorrow, when I hope it will be drier. Afterwards, I'll probably pop into the Men-an-Tol Studio again to have another look at Ian McNeil Cooke's beautiful prints, and to see how it should be done, and then go on to a sacred site (Lanyon Quoit is nearby) to read or meditate.

Chapter 5 is now nearly redrafted. I'm trying to push it over 9,000 words, and there's only 500 to go, but there doesn't seem to be a lot to add and I really don't want to start padding things out, so I'll try and hang back. I should ring the agent to see if he at least got the chapter I sent last week, but it's a bit scary - as it is, I can imagine him skipping around his office in joy at my every word. To hear the truth of it - especially as I tend to stutter a bit when I'm nervous - could be pretty demoralising. Anyway, there's the chance of reorganising my trip to the owl sanctuary this Sunday. The opportunity of having one sit on my hand is too good to miss, even if it means watching it tear a dead chick to pieces.

2004-04-10T17:35:00.000+01:00

Heard a track from the new Patti Smith album last night. I had to wave the radio around in the air to try and keep the thing tuned in, but even with that palava it still sounded beautiful. The last time I'd really heard her was on Dream of Life, which I really liked although it was quite rocky. But that was quite a long time ago now. Charles Shaar Murray reviewed Tramplin' (for what mag I don't know - I was given a cutting) and I was champing at the bit to get the album even before I'd heard any of it.

Today, amongst other things, I drove past a club called Flamingos, so old fashioned it still calls itself a discoteque. Outside it a car had been set alight. I stopped and rang the fire brigade like a good citizen. It freaked me out for quite a while afterwards. I felt this wierd kind of empathy with the car. Which is ridiculous, isn't it?

2004-04-09T20:47:00.000+01:00

So I am now 37. I had a wonderful birthday, thank you for asking. I got two beautiful OS maps (one of Penwith the other of Bodmin Moor), a book on all the sacred sites in Cornwall and enough money to buy a couple of new shirts with, as well as doing some black and white photo enlargements to hopefully sell. I can take the poverty stricken artiste thing a bit far sometimes - I'm just not interested in buying clothes. I suppose if I was skinny I'd be more into at least satisfying my fetish for camping gear, so maybe it's just as well that I'm poor and can't afford to worry about it one way or another. The only down moment was having one of the car tyres do something wierd, so I couldn't get along to the owl sanctuary, but it was quite easily fixed and me and gf ended up wandering along the mine tunnels at Geevor mine.

Last Monday I posted some redrafted chapters of the book to the agent. I haven't heard from him about the first draft, so I'm really going to push this. I totally believe in the novel now, and I know how dreadful the market is for first novels - especially written by a woman, with strong female characters. It's a dark fantasy with a lot of eco awareness and I'm not some vacuous celeb, so who would possibly want to buy it? - but fuck it, it's good. I did a flyer this week as well, to distribute at various hippie stores around here and hopefully at the Glastonbury festival. I based the design on some of the amazing milestones you get around here. It worked pretty well, I think.

2004-04-01T13:26:00.000+01:00

I love this man:

Listen to Blyth Power's wonderful lyrics and you'll understand why.

I am 37 tomorrow. I will be having lunch in a cafe somewhere in St Ives and going for a few beers in the evening, followed by eggy bread for breakfast on Saturday morning and a visit to the local owl sanctuary. No big dramas about my age. When I was 34 I made a resolution to be living in Cornwall by my 37th or 38th birthday, but I chucked everything in and came here much earlier. The moral being, of course - fuck it. Do it NOW.

2004-03-29T14:13:00.000+01:00

I finally got to see Man on the Moon last night. I have no huge interest in Andy Kaufman - to me, he was the one who spoilt Taxi with the irritating character Latka - but the film was made by Michael Stipe's production company, so that was enough for me. And the film was very good. Carrey is excellent (much to my surprise) as Kaufman, who seems to have spent most of his life setting up one joke after another, so much so that I wondered if anyone really knew him. It certainly doesn't make for a sympathetic character - if those closest to you don't believe you when you tell them you're terminally ill, it's surely a pretty sad state of affairs.

Today is a beautiful, sunny day. I've been painting and working on the novel and even had breakfast sitting out in the sun. Later I'm going along to Penzance Promenade to pick up gf from her new job. At this rate, I'll be going early to sit under a palm tree and look at the sea. I dropped her off earlier and drove back over the hills. There's a layby where I always pull in to take in the view. Today it was to a soundtrack of Tom Waits' Mule Variations. A man had stopped there to re-shoe his horse. It was wonderfully serene.

2004-03-26T16:56:00.000Z

It's been an exhausting couple of days, meeting my gf's first ever gf and showing her around the area. We got on really well, actually - met up in a pub in St Ives, much to the curiosity of a, ahem, straight woman, then wandering around the town before going for more beer and staggering onto a bus home. Yesterday I drove our guest all around the Land's End peninsula, stopping off for the first time at the amazing Pendeen church - a church with castle walls! Oh, for my camera... Then we went to Priest Cove, crossed country a couple of times in order to make a quick stop at Lanyon Quoit, and finished at Godrevy. The sun was out by then, and we lay on the clifftop, looking down at twenty or so seals sunbathing and playing in the cove, while a helicopter landed on the field behind us. Felt very Famous Five. But it made a nice change to get on with a current gf's ex. They usually don't like me. One tried to pull my thumb off, part of an exciting evening many years ago, but that was fairly extreme; they tend to try and split the relationship up instead. Anyway, it seems we've got a bit older and wiser. Boring, huh?

2004-03-25T09:45:00.000Z

I first saw the Merry Maidens from the air. I was in a helicopter (noisy but fun) flying from Penzance to Tresco on the Isles of Scilly and below us appeared this amazing stone circle. Since then I've been back many times. The energy of the whole area (near Lamorna Cove) is very special, very magical. Just before you reach the Maidens, look to your right and, if the hedgerows aren't in full leaf, you'll see the Pipers, two very tall stones leaning at angles in adjacent fields. The Maidens I've walked around, through, and studied from the gate at the edge of the field they're in. It's a very well known and easy to get to site, so summer time it'll be busy, but I go in quieter times. I always feel re-energised and calm after I've seen them.

2004-03-21T18:49:00.000Z

I have a cold for the first time in two years. It's not too bad - I've been driving and painting and suchlike - but it also feels as if I've been punched hard on the nose. Homebrew sloe gin and lots of painkillers are helping a lot.

Today is the Spring Equinox, and I was interested in spending some time on the Women's Land a few miles south west of here, but I didn't get around to getting directions. Women's space is less of an urgency with me these days; West Cornwall does have some hostility (young men driving at chucking out time who act as if their dicks have been cut off if you overtake them) but it's nothing like London. However, I would like to see what goes on in these places and give my support to the sisterhood, although how much use I'd be sneezing and spluttering, I don't know. It's nearly dark, and I'd like to mark the start of Spring in an appropriate way, so I keep looking out of the window to see if it's a clear sky. To go up on Lelant Downs and star watch for a while is an incredible thing to do, well it is for this city girl. Standing around in complete darkness is scary, but exhilerating.

The second draft of the novel is well on its way. I spoke to girlfriend about it yesterday, in detail as it turned out. I've spent the last year and a bit wrapped up in the story and the characters and I don't know anymore if any of it will mean anything to anyone, so it was good to hear the view of someone who doesn't actually go for dark fantasy or horror writing. And she liked it a lot. "It was like reading a proper book," she said, which was a real compliment, because of course it's almost impossible for her to be objective. So it's time I hassled the agent again, because I want to see the thing published.

2004-03-20T11:11:00.000Z

I've been trying to get back into my old blog for a few weeks now, but can't find any way in, and so I thought - first day of Spring, good enough excuse for a new blog. Now let's see if I can remember how to use the damn thing.

First of all, a link to Happy Tree Friends, not clever or grown up, but very funny, if you like your cartoon violence gory and unsubtle. It reminds me of Duckman, where his two assistants Fluffy and Uranus meet a terrible end in every episode. This kind of leads me on to the wonderful Flat Earth, great comic writer/illustrator and all round good bloke, who I heard from yesterday for the first time in ages. Keeping in touch with people can be hard, especially when you respect/like them enough to want to do more than say hello, but it's very important to me to do so. So if you know me, I hope you're feeling good, huggy vibes right now.